NAAP Happy Hour 12.20.24 - Marcie and Greg Gentry

Join host Marcie Keithley as she welcomes Greg Gentry

Greg found out he was adopted at the age of 10, a discovery that rocked his entire world. The realization came while he was watching a TV show and asked his parents a simple question, only to receive an answer that would change his life forever: he was adopted. His parents explained that they had told him when he was much younger, but at the time, the significance had not registered with him. Now, at 10, the weight of this truth hit him full force, leaving him feeling disconnected from his adoptive family and unsure of his place in the world.

The news marked the beginning of a deep emotional rift between Greg and his adoptive family, particularly his sisters, a rift that he admits never fully healed. His attempts to revisit the conversation about his adoption were often met with discomfort, especially from his mother, who would tearfully insist that she had told him everything she knew about the circumstances of his adoption. However, Greg would later discover that this wasn’t entirely true.

Greg’s adoption was a closed adoption, meaning he had little to no access to information about his biological family. To this day, he has not seen his original birth certificate or received his non-identifying information from the state of California, despite multiple attempts. This lack of information has only compounded the trauma of his adoption discovery, leaving Greg feeling as though he is still in the dark about his own identity.

One of the most poignant aspects of Greg’s story is his hesitancy to ask his adoptive mother for more information, despite knowing that she might have more details about his adoption. Even as an adult, Greg feels that asking for this information would be hurtful to her—a situation that many adoptees can relate to. The emotional weight of adoption often leaves adoptees feeling as though they must protect the feelings of their adoptive parents, even at the expense of their own needs for answers and closure.

Greg eventually found his biological family, but the reunion has been far from the fairytale many adoptees hope for. He is in partial reunion with both sides of his biological family, but the relationships are complicated and, at times, strained. His connection with his biological father’s side has been more positive, with one sister in particular being very welcoming. However, on his mother’s side, the reception has been much colder. His birth mother has not spoken to him in nearly seven years, and much of her side of the family wishes Greg had never found them.

Greg admits that he wants to give his birth mother grace, understanding that her decision to give him up for adoption was likely a difficult and painful one. However, he also struggles with the ongoing rejection and the fact that he remains her “dirty little secret.” It is a heartbreaking situation that many adoptees in similar circumstances can relate to—the desire to connect with one’s biological family while also feeling the sting of being unwanted or unacknowledged.

One of the most powerful moments in the episode comes when Greg reflects on the concept of worthiness and the right to exist. The rejection from his biological mother and other members of her family has, at times, made him question whether he has a right to be here. It is a feeling that many adoptees struggle with—wondering if their existence is valid or if they are somehow an intrusion into the lives of others.

Greg’s story also touches on the frustration that comes with being the “keeper of secrets.” He expresses resentment toward family members who continue to lie about or deny his existence, while expecting him to remain silent and keep the peace. It’s a common theme in the adoption community, where adoptees are often expected to protect the emotions of others, even when doing so means denying their own truth.

Greg’s journey to finding his biological family was aided by DNA testing, a tool that has revolutionized the way adoptees and others with unknown parentage can uncover their family history. He found his paternal side through DNA, after having used a private investigator to locate his maternal side. The rise of DNA testing has created a seismic shift in the adoption world, as secrets that were once buried are now being unearthed, often to the dismay of those who thought their anonymity was secure.

As Greg points out, DNA testing has empowered people to find out who they are and where they come from, even when others would prefer that those secrets remain hidden. This newfound ability to uncover the truth has upset many people, but for adoptees like Greg, it has provided a crucial sense of validation and the opportunity to finally piece together the puzzle of their identity.

For many adoptees, the dream of reunion is filled with hope and optimism. Greg admits that he, too, had fantasies of meeting his biological family and forging deep, lasting connections. However, the reality has been much more complicated. While he has built meaningful relationships with a few members of his biological family, the majority of his relatives have remained distant or indifferent.

Greg’s story serves as a reminder that reunion is not always the happy ending adoptees hope for. Family dynamics can be complicated, and the emotional wounds from adoption can make it difficult for all parties to connect. Despite this, Greg remains grateful for the relationships he has been able to build and continues to hold out hope for more positive connections in the future.

Despite the pain and challenges he has faced, Greg is committed to finding peace in his adoption journey. He recognizes that not every relationship will be perfect, and not every family member will be willing to accept him. However, he has learned to focus on the positive connections he has made and to let go of the need for validation from those who continue to reject him.

In his conversation with Kendall, Greg emphasizes the importance of finding grace for others, even when it feels difficult. He acknowledges that his birth mother likely went through immense trauma and that her continued rejection of him is a reflection of her own unresolved pain. While this doesn’t make the rejection any easier to bear, it does help Greg to find some measure of understanding and compassion for her.

Greg Gentry’s story is one of resilience, as he continues to navigate the complexities of adoption, reunion, and self-identity. His journey, like that of many adoptees, is filled with highs and lows, moments of joy, and moments of deep pain. Yet through it all, Greg remains committed to healing and to building meaningful connections with the family members who do want to know him.

The episode highlights the emotional toll that adoption can take on both adoptees and their families, but it also underscores the importance of sharing these stories. By speaking openly about his experiences, Greg is helping to break down the stigma and secrecy that so often surrounds adoption, making space for others to heal and find their own truth.

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