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Rudders Riders:
Meeting Point:
Southchurch Park Café – 10:00am (or whenever your helmet hair is presentable)
Ride Leader: The one, the only… Rudders – captain of cadence and connoisseur of cake.
Roll-Out Time:
10:00am sharp-ish (depending on gossip levels and how long it takes Craig to find his other stolen goat glove).
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The Route: A Proper Local Loop with a Side of Silliness
We launch from Southchurch Park Café, where caffeine is consumed in irresponsible quantities and lycra glistens like morning dew on an over-watered allotment. With bellies full and bladders nervously full, we push off with the grace of a herd of caffeinated cats.
Leg 1: Yacht Club Yarns
Skim along the back roads of Southchurch, dodging bin day chaos and the odd overly curious squirrel, before gliding past the majestic Thorpe Bay Yacht Club. Wave like royalty to the yachties (who secretly wish they were on bikes because they forgot how sails work).
Leg 2: Garrison Gallivant
We drop stealthily into the Garrison Nature Reserve – where the paths are peaceful, the air is fresh, and Steve will inevitably shout “OI! Look at that egret!” only to discover it’s a Tesco bag in a bush. Nature: 1, Steve: 0.
Breakfast Stop: The Holy Grail of Hash Browns – The Parsons Barn
By now, we’ve earned our bacon (and vegan options for our oat milk warriors). Park up the bikes and tuck into a slap-up breakfast. Eat heartily, laugh loudly, and argue over which gear you were in on that terrifying 3% incline.
Leg 3: Promenade of Champions
Return journey = pure seaside bliss. We coast along the newly spruced-up promenade cycle track like conquering heroes. The sea breeze kisses your face, seagulls cheer you on (probably), and that one mate who always drafts behind suddenly sprints for no reason.
Catch those salty air vibes, side-eye the rollerbladers, and race the morning walkers (again).
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Distance: ~10-15 kilometres (ish, depending on diversions and how many wrong turns we take “on purpose”)
Pace: Social & scenic – no drop, just the occasional dropped gear. Unless you’re on a real bike (Brompton ;-)
Dress Code: Helmets, smiles, and socks that make a statement.
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Final Words of Wisdom:
“Ride bikes. Eat breakfast. Laugh lots. And never trust someone who says ‘it’s all downhill from here’.”
You in?
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Event Venue & Nearby Stays
Southchurch Park Cafe, Shaftesbury Ave,Southend-on-Sea, United Kingdom
