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Ramona Hillside Players in Hemet, CA will hold open auditions for "The Prized Garden of Beaverton Proper".Written by Kristofer James
Directed by Kristofer James
Auditions November 17th & 18th, 2025
All auditions begin at 7:00 PM
Performance dates are January 16, 17, 18, 23, 24, & 25, 2026 @ RHP in Hemet
The audition will consist of cold readings from the script. Please come prepared with a resume, headshot (It doesn't need to be professional. A regular picture of yourself will do), pen/pencil, and a list of conflicts.
We’d love for you to come in ready with your best big-as-life Southern accent—think Steel Magnolias or Leanne Morgan. It doesn’t need to be perfect, just sweet, sassy, and fun!
PLOT:
"One woman’s garden. One town’s scandal. Zero surviving begonias."
Beulah BumpinPickles has spent years cultivating her crowning achievement: the most dazzling, envy-inducing garden in all of Beaverton Proper. So when the Beaverton Gazette announces they'll be featuring it in their Sunday spread, Beulah is floating on cloud nine—until she wakes up to a horticultural horror. Her garden has been murdered in the night. Petunias flattened. Clematis trampled. Lawn gnomes decapitated.
Enter Sheriff Hubert Hornbuckle—a man more familiar with pie-eating contests than crime scenes—and a curious stranger who seems to know a little too much. As the town buzzes with gossip, secrets bloom like weeds, and Beulah finds herself wondering: who could betray her in such a vicious, vine-ripping way?
Part mystery, part madcap comedy, My Prized Garden of Beaverton Proper is a delightfully absurd romp about small-town drama, overgrown egos, and the healing power of community... and maybe a little Miracle-Gro. With a bouquet of unforgettable characters and a plot that twists like a garden hose, this play will leave you laughing, guessing, and maybe rethinking that feud with your neighbor.
Script - https://tinyurl.com/ypty63pm
Monologues - https://tinyurl.com/3wa657pe
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
*** All Ages are Relative ***
Beulah BumpinPickles (40s-50s) A warm, witty Southern woman known for her prize-winning flower garden and big heart. She’s nurturing but firm, shaped by a strict upbringing that she vowed not to repeat. Beulah’s humor and charm hold her family together, though her lenient parenting sometimes leaves her questioning herself. Sweet as honey but tough as iron, she’s the beating heart of Beaverton Proper.
Buford BumpinPickle (40s-50s) A good-natured, “fix-it-all” family man with a big heart. Devoted husband and father who prides himself on keeping things running smoothly—except when he can’t. Supportive, humble, and the steady center of the BumpinPickles family.
Aunt Blanche (60s-70’) The family’s rock and resident voice of reason, Aunt Blanche is the perfect mix of Southern grace and grit--she’s as tough as she is elegant. After Beulah’s mother passed, Blanche became her guiding force--offering love, wisdom, and a firm hand when needed. Beneath her pearls lies a playful spirit; she even bonds with her nephew Tommy over video games. With her sharp wit, steady heart, and no-nonsense charm, Aunt Blanche keeps the BumpinPickles clan grounded and together.
Thelsie Mae Jenkins (40s-50s) A glamorous, dramatic Southern woman with a flair for the theatrical and a heart of gold. Though town gossip insists she’s secretly jealous of her best friend Beulah, Thelsie’s loyalty runs deep--she once went to prom with Buford just to support both him and Beulah, not to compete. Often misunderstood for this, Thelsie plays up her “second fiddle” role for humor, but she’s far more complex than people realize. Beneath her dramatics lies a fiercely loyal friend, a sharp wit, and a woman who refuses to be defined by small-town rumors.
Snackcake “Varla” Beasley (40s-50s) The third piece of the longtime friendship between Beulah and Thelsie, Snackcake is fiercely loyal, wildly funny, and utterly convinced she’s psychic. Often a bit air--headed—mispronouncing words or telling over-the-top stories--her heart is always in the right place. A working-class woman with a spirited home life and an unruly child, Snackcake navigates chaos with humor and love. Her quirky personality, psychic proclamations, and unwavering devotion make her the unpredictable, fun-loving heart of her friend trio.
Sheriff Hubert Hornbuckle (40s-60s) The well-meaning but bumbling sheriff of Beaverton, Hubert has a heart as big as his love for donuts. Full of tall tales and endless chatter, he genuinely cares for his townsfolk, though his attempts to help—especially with Beulah’s prized garden—often miss the mark. Hapless, chatty, and endearing, Hubert is a lovable small-town character through and through.
Brie (20s-30s) A smart, classy newcomer from the city, Brie brings big-city sensibility and warmth to small-town Beaverton. Although horrified of worms and critters, her family owns the local bait and tackle shop. She is quickly becoming a loyal friend to Tommy BumpinPickles. Grounded, capable, and kind, Brie blends confidence with compassion, proving that you don’t have to be born in Beaverton to belong there.
Delbert/Delberta Hotchkiss (20s) Delbert Hotchkiss is a peculiar presence in Beaverton, hailing from a neighboring town and currently attending the local trade school. Unlike most newcomers, he hasn’t made much of an effort to introduce himself to the townsfolk, nor has he shown much interest in getting to know them. Instead, Delbert seems content to quietly observe his surroundings, often found studying the town’s quirks, particularly the famed “majestic Beaver.” His fascination with the local icon has raised a few eyebrows, leaving people to wonder about his true intentions.
Tommy Bumpinpickles (20s–30s) Beulah and Buford’s only son. He’s good-natured and kind, but a little lost in life. Always chasing big dreams, but never quite catching ‘em. He means well and wants to make his folks proud, but he’s still figuring out what kind of man he wants to be.
27402 Ramona Bowl Road
Hemet, CA 92544
http://www.ramonahillsideplayers.org
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